The Sinful Saints
by shuusetsu
Summary: From a year of a sweet, innocent front, came the reality that Kisa's relationship was just the same as the many gays like him experience. Straight men bewitch poor gays like him, and milk them for money. And gays like Kisa who just had his first love, never knew what was the limit or what was 'enough'.
1. Chapter 1

Everything was covered in white. Like a fairy tale, the earth was covered in snow, covering the sins of the world.

Winter, that was Kisa Shouta's favorite season of the year. Because one, the whiteness of it cleanses his soul. And secondly, the coldness numbs the supposed to be burning pain, turning it into a point where he could still preserve his relationship.

A relationship that he thought would be the 'best' and 'lasting'.

However, Kisa Shouta realized, so slowly, that Yukina Kou was a man with a thousand masks. And Kisa was already in too deep to break away from the feeling called 'love'.

* * *

**The Sinful Saints**

* * *

The sun had just risen. And as the normal work force gets up to go to their work, Kisa Shouta was trudging the snow covered path back home.

He was a manga editor for a huge publishing company. He used to be two years ago. He tried doing other odd jobs but it reached the point where Kisa couldn't keep up anymore. He was working a more high paying job now. He had to. If not, he wouldn't be able to support himself and Yukina Kou. He wouldn't be able to keep up with the high-maintenance lover in the name of Yukina Kou.

Who would've thought that Kisa Shouta, who only used to play with people, never getting too deep, never getting too serious, would be in this dog-like leash? With Yukina Kou holding the end of the chain.

The kind, passionate-with-his-art, prince-like creature Yukina Kou had shed his real skin, after their one-year blissful life.

"Good morning Kisa-san! Just got home?"

The man who was deep in his thoughts gazed up, not realizing that he already reached the entrance to their apartment building. A bit confused, Kisa smiled back as he met the kind smile of an old lady living at the pent house.

"Uhm...yeah..." Kisa replied softly, taking note of the old lady's hand tucked inside her husband's coat. Kisa had to smile. "Taking a stroll this early? Don't you feel cold?"

The lady giggled, kissing her husband's cheek like a shy girl would. "Nah, me and this handsome man love to feel the sunrays in the park during this season. It feels like it cleanses your soul. Wouldn't you agree?"

Kisa just smiled as he watched the pair slowly walk their way out into the chilly morning.

Sometimes, Kisa couldn't help himself but be envious of them. At the age of eighty-three and seventy-three, with the lady as the older one, they still looked deeply inlove with each other. Though the old man couldn't already hear and couldn't talk very clearly due to age, they seem to be growing stronger.

Lost once more in his thoughts, he just realized that he was already in his floor from the sharp 'ting' of the elevator. He walked like a zombie towards his place.

"I'm home..." he called softly, although he knew there would be no 'welcome back' coming in return.

Taking his coat off, he right away saw the scattered clothing on the floor. Shirts, boxers, denim jeans, they were everywhere as if there was a snake in shedding.

Like always, Kisa picked them up as he walked towards the room he was using with his lover.

The open door revealed the man who had the look of a god under the soft rays of the sun, getting through the space from the thick curtain. It was picturesque really. But that painting was broken by a delicate arm wrapped around the bare man's chest.

Kisa had to draw in a deep breath.

"Yukina."

It was as if Kisa called to a stone. No reply, nothing at all.

He was tired, from work, from thinking and from wishing. Kisa's eyes felt feverish as he picked up a red g-cup brassiere from the floor. He threw it to Yukina's sleeping face with a weak force, causing the unfaithful to open one eye.

"Oh...Kisa-san...you're home?"

"Yeah..." Kisa replied stiffly, turning to open the drawers for a change of clothes.

Yukina looked to the still sleeping woman beside him and slowly sat on the bed. He didn't look guilty or surprised at all. He just sat there with a boyish-like grin, so innocent that it breaks Kisa to see from the reflection of the mirror.

"Uh...her? I was doing a painting with a nude theme with her as my model...and we somehow fell asleep together."

Kisa continued searching for a sweat shirt. He could see the canvas from the mirror all blank.

"Were you both so sleepy you haven't done any painting at all?" Kisa spat with a glare.

Yukina just waived a hand, staring back to Kisa through the mirror. He didn't even care, he just stood from the bed, completely naked towards the bathroom.

Kisa went over the bed and pulled the blanket off the woman. Kisa frowned, she was a perfect ten by a man's standards. Even though he was gay to begin with, he still knew those things.

"Hmmm..." the woman whimpered like a cat. "C-cold..."

"If you don't want me to throw your clothes out the window, you'll move and get lost."

The woman's huge eyes opened in an instant. It seemed like she'd been in this situation a number of times that she wasn't even in panic. However, she couldn't hide the fact that she was a bit surprised that instead of seeing the 'legal woman', it was a short man that was glaring at her.

"Oh...I'm sorry...I thought he was kidding that he was going out with a man..."

"Will you please just leave? I have to change the sheets. The stench of a woman like you is suffocating."

The woman whose curls reaches up to her slender waist stood up, fluidly putting her underwear without a care in the world.

"A _'woman like me'?" _she said in a sweet voice. "So I am a prostitute, aren't gays equally as filthy?"

The sudden sound of water rushing inside the bathroom took over. And Kisa just watched the woman get completely dressed, not batting an eyelash.

"Kisa-san? Right?" she asked, tweaking some of her curls in place. "Don't look at me like that. And don't act saintly too...I smell the same stench from you."

* * *

Kisa was eating in silence. He couldn't even taste the hot sauce even though his rice was already floating with it. He just watched his lover walk around the house preparing for university.

It had become a habit of Kisa to watch the man through reflections. Reflections from the TV, from the mirrors, from the glass of the cabinets, even from the glass of his water. Doing it with a wish to see a glimpse of the Yukina Kou he once knew. Sadly, there was none.

"Kisa-san," Yukina finally called as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "I need extra money for painting materials. I'm going to try oils, I'm tired of acrylics."

Kisa looked up with a confused face. "Didn't you just bought them last week?"

"I am doing a much bigger canvas," Yukina replied nonchalantly. "At school."

"Yuki...what about doing a part-time job? It's been a while since you had one..."

Actually it has been two years since Yukina had one.

"What? You telling me to waste my time working? Aren't I busy enough impressing people for the creations I do?"

Kisa looked at his bowl of rice. "It's not like that...I have to pay the rent this month...and I'm still paying for the video cam you bought too..."

Yukina snickered. "If you're saying you can't...I'm easy to talk to. I could go to someone who's more capable of paying my services."

The raven looked up with anger in his eyes. But he swallowed all his words down.

"The card is in my bag. Just take it..."

As fast as the lightning, Yukina beamed and he leaned over the table, kissing Kisa on the cheek, doing his service. And like it was the most natural thing to do, went to the room to get what he wanted.

And when Yukina got what he wanted, he fastly disappeared.

Kisa was left sitting on the low table. Staring at the grains of rice until they became a whole blotch of white and red from the hot sauce he absent-mindedly poured over.

He began to sniff. And his hand holding the chopsticks started to tremble.

One day, Yukina went home asking if Kisa was satisfied. The latter never knew that what Yukina was talking about was allowing Kisa to live in the world where his ideal was there loving him back. When Kisa wholeheartedly said yes two years ago, Yukina flashed the most dashing smile, asking for money.

It didn't sound like Yukina was threatening Kisa. It was so sweet. A sweet poison Kisa had to take.

_"I really like you as a person, but let's get straight to the point ne Kisa-san? I am a poor student. I need to do this kind of thing. And well, I have needs, expenses. You're an editor at a huge company right? I stay with you and you help me graduate. Deal?"_

Kisa could remember hearing a painful buzzing in his ear. He didn't know if the Yukina he was looking at was _his _Yukina, or perhaps..._his _Yukina never really existed. It was all acting. A play for him to completely fall. Yukina was an expert. A damn expert.

From a year of a sweet, innocent front, came the reality that Kisa's relationship was just the same as the many gays like him experience. Straight men bewitch poor gays like him, and milk them for money. And gays like Kisa who just had his first love, never knew what was the limit or what was 'enough'.

Kisa silently took a small portion of the steamed tofu with his chopsticks. The tofu tasted a little saltier. He didn't realize his tears had run down to his cheeks to his mouth, mixing in with his food.

_"How did we end up like this?"_

Kisa still chewed his food. Like how he could never let go of his first love, Yukina.

* * *

"Kisa-san?!"

It took a couple of seconds for Kisa to finally recognize the clear emerald eyes smiling at him. Onodera Ritsu, a clumsy guy who was hardworking and easy to get along with.

"Oh...Ricchan!" Kisa exclaimed, the same nickname he has given the man, with the same lively tone like two years hadn't passed them by. "You look...stunning!"

"I do? I feel like dying..." the other replied, chuckling.

Onodera looked around. Talking and getting back with a long time friend wouldn't be good inside a crowded train station. "Can we have a coffee somewhere?"

"Sure..." Kisa replied, although it was already eight in the evening and he was supposed to be at work within thirty-minutes. "Let's do that!"

After looking for a place which was quiet and homey, the two settled at the farthest table at a corner and ordered coffees and sweets.

The two felt a bit of awkwardness. Two years was still two years after all.

"Hmmm..." Kisa started stirring his coffee, slowly opening up and closing the gap.

"How are things going with you and Takano-san?"

Not knowing whether to drink the coffee in one gulp, Onodera just forced a giggle. This part of Onodera didn't really change as much as Kisa observed. Onodera was still a nervous wreck when Takano was the topic, but he couldn't deny, it carried a certain charm to it. Kisa could understand why his ex-boss was crazy about this man before him.

"He's still a tyrant..."

"That's a given! It's in his roots to wear people out!" Kisa exclaimed merrily. "What I mean is your relationship with him..."

Kisa Shouta always had the feeling that something was going on between their chief-editor and the newbie. He suspected it but got to see the truth when he saw Takano grabbing Ritsu by the arm and pulling the newbie into some corner forcing a kiss.

Kisa saw the act. Takano and Ritsu saw him too.

Two years ago, Takano just grinned at Kisa perhaps because he knew Kisa wouldn't just blabber around. Takaho stole another kiss from the stupefied Ritsu and then looked back at Kisa, while saying _'I'm making him fall for me..."_

Ritsu was left stuck against the wall, looking so flustered, red as a tomato that Kisa started laughing. Comforting Ritsu that it was really okay, Kisa ended up telling the newbie editor about this way younger man he was seeing. Thus a deeper bond was formed.

How proud and confident was Kisa back then. He wanted to laugh at his situation now.

"..." Onodera smiled, his cheeks having a tint of fresh pink. "We're doing okay..."

Kisa smiled. Though inside of him he was a bit disappointed. It was bad of him but maybe he'd find comfort if he'd realize that he was not just the one who was suffering.

"That's great then," Kisa commented, looking at his still untouched cake.

"Kisa-san..." Onodera started carefully. "I'm sorry...but you don't look too well. Are you alright?"

The raven found himself staring at Onodera's eyes. He couldn't break off their gazes. Looking for a escape route, a release, anything, Kisa, who had never told a soul of what was going on between his fairy-tale-gone-nightmare situation, started confessing.

Kisa's hellish, painful life of two years with Yukina he was trying to save was just worth thirty minutes. How ironic that the feelings felt like eternity.

"Kisa-san..."

The look on Onodera Ritsu's face was funny yet Kisa was touched by it. For somehow there was relief he felt in finding someone who would also shed a tear for the same pain he was carrying.

"Come on...if we both started sniffing here...people will look!" Kisa blurted, wiping the corners of his eyes with a tissue.

"Kisa-san...why are you...why-"

"Why am I still with him?" Kisa cut in. The other one across the table nodded weakly. "Because..."

Kisa looked outside the coffee shop. The snow on the trees and the roofs were like shining jewels. Just like Yukina, the man was too bright. But Kisa couldn't look away even if it blinded him.

"Ricchan...I am thirty-two now. For a top, it isn't a problem. But for me...who is a complete receiver...it's hard for an old man like me to find a new partner..." Kisa explained softly, stirring his coffee endlessly. "Besides...I'm not just talking about the physical aspects. He's not my first man...but he's the first one I fell this hard for...I can't imagine living without him."

"But Kisa-san," Onodera talked in a much softer voice, stopping Kisa's hand that was stirring the coffee or else it would spill over. He just held Kisa's hand and squeezed it tightly. "You quit Marukawa because the pay wasn't enough...why go to the extent of...of...lowering yourself just to keep him and his vices...?"

"Ricchan...one day...if you get threatened of losing Takano-san...you'd understand."

Onodera's eyes started reddening once more that Kisa placed his other hand on top of Ritsu's.

"I'm okay Ricchan. Thank you for your concern."

Onodera sniffed. "Does he know?"

Kisa shook his head sideways with a smile, saying 'no'.

He knew himself how idiotic he was. For him to actually sink so low as to become a male servicing other males just to keep Yukina, the word stupid wasn't enough. He needed no one to tell him that.

It was just that, there was no telling of how much was the depth of the love another human could give. It wasn't even the gender. It was Kisa's ability to push himself past his limits. He was just hoping for two things;

That one day, Yukina Kou would stop loving him because Yukina needed him. And that one day, Yukina kou would instead need him because Yukina loved him. It would make a whole lot of difference.

* * *

Hypnotizing low music filled the air. Dim lighting was all over the place, it could make one feel sleepy and in a daze. The smell of sweet cologne, smoke, and liquior entertained everyone's senses. Inside this place, everyone could dream and fantasize of owning everything and everyone. Classy yet coquettish, bold yet innocent. That was how TOXID Bar works.

Stationed at the liquior side of the bar, waiting for a customer's order of a Burboun, Kisa wandered his eyes around his little cage. He could feel a couple of eyes running from his head to foot. Though he was clothed in a lose satin shirt, exposing his shoulders, with his matching fitting acidwashed denims, it was as if he was wearing nothing at all from all the stares he was having.

In TOXID, Kisa was Juri. A boyish, high-schoolerish type of kid in the crowd, that was his type in that bar. Many had offered a one-night stand, but he only agreed on some occasions;

When Yukina had to pay for his tuition at that exclusive art school he was attending; when Yukina had to join an excursion trip for a week in China; when Yukina got a flu and had to be hospitalized for a few days.

"_Maybe I have to work my ass tonight..."_ Kisa thought about working his ass literally. _"That video cam was the latest release...it's too...pricey..."_

TOXID was thirty minutes away from Shinjuku by train. So Kisa was dumbstruck to see a strangely familiar woman walking towards his way.

It was no less than a foot of distance when Kisa finally remembered.

"Oh my god..." the woman whispered. "So I was right? That stench...is because you're...?"

"You probably got the wrong person," Kisa replied sternly, trying to step back.

The woman, exposing her cleavage for all the world to see knew that didn't do much in this kind of place. She was just there out of fun, trying out new things. And seeing a least expected person there was very interesting for her.

"Oh...no no no," she said, flashing a sweet smile. "My vision is 20/20...much even sharper in dark places...Kisa-san."

"You wouldn't get a patron here," Kisa pointed, thinking there'd be no use in denying.

"Does Kou know about this?"

Kisa glared at the cat-like eyes. His body couldn't hide the rigidness though.

"He _doesn't_ know," the woman giddily announced. "My customer tonight turned out to be a Bi who poses for art students with very low charges...he's actually upstairs with a bunch of art students in one of the themed rooms. I'm pretty much sure you know one of them."

Just hearing those words, Kisa darted his gaze from his left to right. He couldn't be seen like this. Otherwise, the little respect he could use in front of Yukina would be shattered to pieces. He didn't want Yukina to see how desperate he was.

"Also...I don't know if this would do you any good, but Kou and I didn't do anything at all when you saw us that day. We were just really drained that we fell asleep before doing any portrait...you're filthier than I am..."

"Shut-up..." Kisa whispered, running to the locker room of the bar, forgetting he was still on duty, forgetting everything else.

The man just took his coat and slumped his bag on his left shoulder. Not removing the eyeliner he used, not rinsing the sickening stench of all good scents that combined into a horrible smell on his skin, not looking to where he was looking, he readied himself to flee.

"Why leaving in a hurry? Kisa-san?"

Kisa almost lost his footing when he halted all of sudden. Slowly, he turned his head towards the voice. And Yukina was there, his facial expressions indescribable.

"Yuki..."

Step by step, Kisa found himself moving backwards to where he just went out. It was all too late to run away when Yukina had already blocked the door to the locker room, cornering him like a rat.

For a long while, Yukina just stared at Kisa. Sizing the shorter male from head to foot, the princely face of Yukina was in humorless smile.

"I can't believe this."

* * *

_"I can't believe this."_

Those were the first words that came out of Yukina's mouth the moment he had completely shut the door behind him.

"Kisa-san...you're a pro-" Yukina couldn't finish the word for some reason. He ended up laughing a wry laugh.

Kisa let the bag fall on the floor and he tiredly sat on the long armless sofa set in the middle of the narrow locker room.

"Yukina...it's not like I'm getting around losely..."

"HUH? Just look at you. Whether you're lose or not, the fact that you're here doesn't change anything! I can't believe you..."

Kisa had to watch the back of Yukina reflected at the mirror of one of the lockers. He was wondering why he was even sitting there like a guilty child. He didn't deserve this kind of treatment. He didn't deserve even an ounce of it.

"Did you take HIV tests recently?" Yukina blurted, glaring at Kisa. "God...what if you got contaminated...we even did it a number of times last month..."

Kisa just sat there, glaring at his freezing toes.

"What right do you have to insult me like that?"

"I don't know anymore. Earning filthy money..."

"Yukina, that filthy money is what puts food on your plate. It's what helps you buy whatever you wanted...how can you look at this situation so one-sidedly?" Kisa turned his body towards Yukina. "This is all because of you!"

Yukina laughed exasperatedly. "Now it's my fault? Did I force you? Did I ask for you to do this?!"

"No it's not your fault," Kisa replied, burying his face in the palms of his hands. "It's my fault for having an affair with a young person like you. Young people have that kind of priviledge to be forgiven...but Yukina...I'm not numb not to feel anything. I get hurt when you bring your women. It feels painful when you act like what's between us is purely business..."

Kisa paused, lowering his hands.

"All I did was love you so much...how could you trample on my feelings so carelessly?"

Yukina stood on Kisa's side, looking down at Kisa with those pair of piercing eyes. "If you're that sick of me, we can always put an end to this."

"Wha-"

"Isn't it the deal from the very beginning? I never asked you to go obsessed with my looks did I? I just learned to use this face. Love? You've gotta be kidding me. People always wanted me around like a fucking trophy!"

Kisa didn't know how full his frustrations were. He was so frustrated that his eyes watered on their own.

"Don't cry Kisa-san," Yukina whispered sternly. "You know what? I meant to maximize this deal with you but I never wanted for you to be this low," Yukina shook his head in a manner that he's had enough. "I don't like people doing stupid extremes like that..."

"I never said anything when you were playing around Yukina, why can't you understand...that I was just afraid of losing you once I cannot keep up with your demands anymore?!"

Kisa was so confused now why he was the bad guy in there. It was so hard to look Yukina in the face, thinking that probably this was really the real karma for him trampling on a lot of feelings too when he was younger.

"Let's stop this. I'm afraid you're sick in your head."

"Yukina, please...I'll look for different work-"

The prince of the night slammed the door open, walking regally out the locker room, with the few eavesdroppers scurrying away.

"Yukina!" Kisa shouted, hurrying after him. "Why the hell do you think I was able to put up with you for the last two years even though we're solely based on supply and demand?!"

They were making a scene. A not so unusual scenario in a place like that. But with Yukina's graceful elegance, walking under the spell of soft snow, people would want to know why there was a guy in a little bit kinky outfit running after him.

"Will you shut-up?!"

"Yuki...I stayed and tried my best not because I love how you look!"

'Yeah right', was probably what the onlookers were thinking about as the two started nearing the pedestrian lanes.

When Kisa finally reached Yukina waiting for the 'go' signal so he could cross, Kisa tugged at Yukina's arm. "Yuki...don't..."

However, Yukina who had drank a little though his mind was still very clear pulled his arm away from Kisa's grasp.

Not waiting for the 'green signal', Yukina ran to the other side of the street to get away from Kisa.

Everyone shouted, some held their breaths. And the woman waiting in front of a liqiour store looked away.

A loud screeching sound echoed into the night. And when Yukina turned to look, Kisa Shouta was sprawled in the middle of the cold, wet asphalt of the road, finally silent.

* * *

For a long moment, Yukina just stood on the sidewalk. Watching the bystanders start to form a circle around the motionless guy, he could hear their buzzing.

The man from the grey car who halted almost out of the lane ran to where Kisa was.

"I didn't hit him okay!" he defensed himself but was looking genuinely worried though. "He suddenly just collapsed on his own!"

People who saw the whole thing didn't say anything. What the man said was true after all. That brainless guy on the road must be really lucky for the fast running car to be able to stop before turning him into a dead meat.

"This guy ran after that man over there..." one of the people present muttered. "What was he thinking?"

"Lover's quarrel perhaps?"

"Has anyone called 199 already?"

"Yeah...they're on their way."

For some reason, despite the crowd around, Yukina could still see a glimpse of the dark hair on the road, now all wet from the snow.

* * *

_"He's got only a few scratches from his fall, but other than that, there's nothing to worry about...just let him stay the night here," _the doctor explained, flipping through a folder with Kisa's records._ "He fainted because of lack of sleep and he's over fatigued...you're his friend right? Tell him not to over do it."_

Yukina was sitting on a chair as stiff as a statue. He couldn't take his eyes off at Kisa's chest. He was observing the very slight rise and fall it was making. He was sure Kisa was hit by the car and had gone dead the way the man was sprawled on that cold road a while ago.

It scared the hell out of him. 'Scared' wasn't even the word to describe it. He got a chill not from the cold. There was the loud thump in his chest it was even painful.

Given with a face that everyone could fall for, he had always used it to his advantage. It was a cycle he learned to live from when he was younger. Looks sell. He could be called an opportunist, ingrate, bastard, but he never wanted to injure anyone of them to the point of physical harm.

_"Love?"_ he thought. _"Isn't that just a hard-case obsession Kisa-san?"_

With the relief that at least, the man he was controlling was safe, he fell asleep on his seat. Not knowing that Kisa may have lived, but he would still welcome the morning as if Kisa had died.

"Excuse me?" Yukina called to a nurse that was walking in the hallway. The place was still less crowded and quiet.

"Hai?"

"Do you know where the patient here went?"

Yukina led the nurse who looked sleepy herself for doing the nighshift towards the room where Kisa was admitted last night. The woman blinked at the empty bed and then gave Yukina a cautious smile.

"You're Yukina Kou-san right?"

The man eyed the woman deeply as he nodded. It made the nurse a bit uncomfortable she started fumbling into her pocket.

"I'm sorry. He asked me to give this to you."

The prince was left alone standing in the hallway holding a folded tissue paper. Yukina looked behind him, to his front, and unsure of what to do, stepped back inside the room where he fell asleep.

He walked over the window. The streaks of golden rays coming behind the tall buildings promised a good day. Yet, Yukina was feeling stormy inside.

He looked down at his hand holding the tissue. Careful not to tear it, he unfolded it.

_" When I saw the car's headlights, I thought I was done for. _

_Do you know when you're on the brink of death,_

_People say that your life flashes before you?_

_It's real. _

_It made me realize my grave mistake._

_I love you so much that I forgot to love myself._

_The world isn't as big as it seems. Perhaps one day,_

_when both of us have matured..."_

With trembling fingers, Yukina flipped the paper. He turned it up side down. He flipped it back to its original state, but there was nothing else that was written.

He crumpled the paper in his palms and angrily he stomped out of the hospital room. He just didn't like the idea that it was him that was left behind.

"So you left? You think you're that special? Don't make me laugh..."

* * *

_**chapter end notes:**_

_thank you for giving this your time. the last and next chapter coming up soon.^^_

_please share your thoughts!_

_-shuusetsu_


	2. Chapter 2

_**"You hate me now? Don't act like you know me. 'Coz unless you've been in the same sink hole, you wouldn't understand why I did that..."**_

* * *

**━━━━━━ The Sinful Saints ━━━━━━**

**2**

Yukina kou wiped his hands darkened by charcoal off a nearby rag he prepared. He glanced at the other guy in that room and squinted at the portrait he did. It looked like a portrait indeed. Nothing else. Wasn't an art supposed to be communicating with the looker?

Well, he knew by heart, his art wasn't going anywhere.

"Hey, Yukina, wanna grab something to eat before going home?"

"Ah...sure..." Yukina replied. He fought the urge to grab the canvas and step on his own work.

The other guy with clean cut hair and sincere blue eyes looked at his close friend suspiciously.

"Are you okay? You seem to be so out of it the past days..."

Yukina blew the hair blocking his eyes away and gave a forceful smile. "Out of it? I'm normal. What are you talking about?"

"If you are being ticked off by Professor Sakurai, just ignore him. He loves criticizing your art, what can we do?"

Yukina frowned. Lately that professor, that near-balding, four-eyed man had only bothered to tell him that his art was something very superficial. What was that even supposed to mean? Yukina was annoyed but it wasn't really why he was so 'out of it' anyway.

Eyeing Yukina knowingly, this concerned guy in the name of Sugita started removing his apron. He glanced one more at Yukina before turning his back to fix his oversized bag.

"You see, Yukina, you have this angry glint in your eyes," Sugita commented. "You wouldn't notice it but the girls were saying you don't seem to be too accomodating like you used to be."

Staring once more at his piece of junk creation, Yukina sucked a deep breath. Ten days, seventeen hours, sixteen minutes to be exact since the guy he had a deal with disappeared to whoever knew where. It was amazing how the days just passed by like that. Just a proof that whatever fucked up situation one can be, the whole world would just continue going round and round without care.

After finally finishing up fixing their art materials into their bags, Sugita hurriedly walked out the room, thinking of what to eat for dinner. Yukina on the other hand turned his head towards the open windows. The white curtains softly fluttering with the wind, the orangy tints of the setting sun showering his face.

_Tired from university, he let his bag rest on the floor while shuffling into the mails he got from downstairs. _

_"What the hell's this catalog?" he grumbled, moving on to the next envelop. "Vacation Brochures...?"_

_He stood and threw them on the floor, not caring how he was making a mess of the place. There was always who cleaned them up for him anyway. He roamed around, shedding his coat, scarf and jacket on the sofa, heading to brew himself a cup of coffee._

_"Oi, Kisa-san, are you still asleep?"_

_He reached for two mugs and started pouring the hot coffee in it._

_"Oi, Kisa-san, it's noon already, you'll be la-"_

_The thermos stayed in the air like that, slanting towards the second cup Yukina took from the cupboard. He tightened his grip as he looked at the mug he was filling hot coffee with. For a moment he almost laughed. _

Yukina intended to use that place as long as nobody came telling him to move out. However, it seemed like he couldn't do it. He couldn't do it all.

"Sugita, can I crash at your place?"

The man being called paused and glanced at his friend. "Eh? What happened to where you're staying? Isn't that closer to Uni?"

"Nothing," Yukina replied shortly, picking up his bag to his shoulder. "Come on, I'll add in for the food. And if I stayed longer, I'll chip in for the rent..."

The other man narrowed his eyes into slits. Yukina smiled trying to act sarcastic.

"Well I wouldn't be forcing you if you have some girlfriend visiting you there."

Sugita made a face. "I am not like 'some' who gets girls just by standing there. Anyway, my place is really small but if you could squeeze yourself in, it's not a problem for me," Sugita showed interest suddenly. " I am just curious, you seem to be doing well with that older girlfriend of yours right? What happened?"

_"What 'girlfriend'?" _

The prince shrugged and went out the door leaving Sugita alone. The other ran after the darkblonde with a concerned face.

"Oi, tell me? Isn't she even helping you with your tuition and stuff? Don't tell me you let go of such a good girlfriend?"

Yukina out of nowhere glared at Sugita, making the latter grow silent.

"..."

"I'm sorry..." Yukina mumbled after noticing his friend's shocked face. He then continued their walk out to the campus. "We aren't just meant to last longer than we already have. Just leave it alone."

The next time Yukina Kou came to Kisa Shouta's apartment for other things he left, the room was up for rent. All traces of him and the raven in that space was replaced by this gloomy feeling, the after effects of a home whose occupants drifted away remained.

It was really the end of them. Yukina was sure of it. And he was so damn happy about it he could even set up a feast.

* * *

When everyone was busy marveling how awesome the cherry blossoms have bloomed, Yukina Kou was busy wheeling a cart of books to a section of a bookstore. His friends thought it was just a whim of his. What with all the hectic schedule of the upcoming Spring Exhibit, then he suddenly took a part time job.

Most eyes were at him. He wasn't even trying to stand out yet a quarter of the customers were there just to see him. Mostly females would flock around him. There were times that he'd feel the different kind of stare he felt before. The stare one guy gives to another guy.

Too bad, he didn't entertain anyone of them. He just worked his head off. He studied his brains out. He drowned himself in things he never really cared about before.

"Look at him...that guy...instead of focusing to the art exhibit, he decided to do this again..."

It came from one of Yukina's lecture mates. There were times they'd just go to that bookstore to tease Yukina. At first they were joking about it. But when it already lasted for months, they started having second thoughts if this was just really a whim of their friend.

"I don't know why but isn't he better this way?" a female, Yukina used to go out mumbled, flipping through an open magazine. "He never really looked this serious before."

"Ha, he's in serious trouble now you know?" Sugita whispered. "Two of his entry for the Spring exhibit are being totally rejected. The professor told Yukina to fix it. I don't know really, he's so lifeless ever since he broke up with his girlfriend. Even at my place, he sometimes would just look at the TV obviously not watching what's going on."

Pursing her lips, the woman kept on looking at the glossy page of the magazine she was holding. She looked over at Yukina and then sighed. "Damn that man, he never had that look on his face when he broke up with _me_..."

* * *

It was a little hot, stuffy even. It was finally spring, the most comfortable season for Yukina. Not chilling with the cold, not bathing with his sweat. However, standing on the train platforms with other hundreds of commuters was a bit suffocating Yukina Kou this time. Not to mention the two girls he was with who were talking about some show he couldn't relate to, just won't stop giggling there wasn't even anything funny.

_"The doors to the right side will open..."_ said the cool, soothing voice that echoed through the entire train approaching the waiting passers. It was hard to see if people on the platforms though, were even listening to the warnings and safety reminders.

Yukina had his bag over his shoulder, hand clinging to the strap, while his other hand was tucked in his pocket. Previously, when his right hand was free, there was a few attempts from one of the girls to hold hands. Sending a wrong impression to the others that they were going out. However, since he wasn't really the loud type to yell and tell the girl to fuck off, he just tucked his hand away.

Thinking about it, he was really a mildmannered guy, although one person might thought of that otherwise.

"And then, you know, the girl just flew off the bridge, broken hearted!"

"Haha, really? That's so funny!"

Yukina glanced at the girls. Since when was it funny when a person committed suicide? Sighing, Yukina watched the train nearing towards them. The majestic wind gushing from its speed sent his hair flying backwards.

People trying to break free from the rush hour as soon as they can started squeezing themselves in the entrance. For some reason, Yukina allowed the two girls to get in, not moving an inch from where he was standing. Being with them inside the trains for a good fifteen minutes wasn't all that promising.

One by one, the once filled with people station became clear. From the windows, Yukina could clearly see the two girls making a fit, signalling him to hurry getting in. However, Yukina just waived back with a fake smile.

Because the girls were moving too much, one of them hit the person standing beside her with her elbow. The man had his back at Yukina. He was short and somehow thin, passing as a highschooler. He had long, dark hair that was almost reaching a few inches below the shoulder blades, silky looking contrasting the milky color of the side of his neck.

Slowly, Yukina's forced smile faded, at the same time that his raised hand fell to his side. His mouth without a sound called a name. _"Kisa...san..."_

The train started moving. Slowly it inched away from Yukina. His feet followed. From inside, there was this taller man, who pulled the shorter one by the arm and changed places with him. Although the prince in the deserted train station didn't hear a thing, from the profile of that very familiar man, he could see him saying thanks while laughing.

The mighty, yet silent sound of the train hastened, Yukina's feet dared to ran after it, but there was no way he could.

He didn't run that far. He didn't even exert too much effort. Yet he was huffing alone, almost standing on the yellow line, gazing at the speeding off train. The wind blew harshly, his face tickled by the ends of his hair. Although he was staring far ahead, the only visible thing on his face was his slightly parted lips, with his teeth gritting at each other.

* * *

"Eh?" Sugita went in the totally dark genkan and felt for the light switch. "Yukina isn't home yet?"

As soon as the old light bulbs started flickering into life, the average built man almost wanted to call the cops. What with all the mess in the small living room; Beer cans littered the narrow space. Bottles and tubes of paints on the floor. Paint brushes scattered everywhere, a messy canvas in the middle of it all. It was all the man could do to tiptoe so as not to crash the tin cans and make a mess of the floor.

"What the hell happened here?" Sugita asked, letting his backback fall on the floor. He didn't know where to start picking off the beer cans. He just picked one where he was walking.

Grumbling, Sugita then found a foot still wearing a shoe sticking out behind the dirty-white colored sofa. Frowning his thick brows, Sugita was ready reprimanding his room mate of a few months now. But when he saw Yukina, gulping the contents of the beer in huge successions, Sugita fell silent for a moment.

"Yukina? What the hell?" he crouched low, eyeing his totally wasted friend. "What on earth has gotten into you?"

"Oh..." Yukina greeted, raising his almost empty can in the air. "Sugita, welcome home."

"Don't 'welcome home' me!" the other replied, trying to grab the can out of Yukina's grasp. Yukina was fast enough though to shield his drink. "Man, you're totally wasted. Cut this out already!"

Giggling, Yukina pulled one knee to his chest and rested the hand holding the beer can on it. "I saw..." Yukina chuckled softly. "...my ex with another man earlier..."

Sugita pursed his lips, finding himself slumping down the floor. "You really love her huh? What can we do? We break up, we move on."

"He looked so damn happy..."

Sugita nodded in understanding, looking around. But as if there was a sharp 'ting', the blue eyed man jerked his head towards his friend, staring at Yukina with a complex look.

"Excuse me? 'He'?"

"Sugita...I know every single sacrifice he did for me. E-ve-ry-thing..."

The other smiled forcefully. "Okay...you're totally drunk now you're not making any sense anymore..." he said softly.

Yukina smiled bitterly, looking at the half-empty beer can in his hand. "I didn't know how to break up, he wouldn't also let go of me...so when the opportunity arised, I grabbed it. And used it to drive him away..."

"Huh?"

"Sugita, I didn't want to acknowledge all that he was doing for me..." Yukina explained, wiping his face with his free hand, hiding half of his face. "If I did, I was afraid...I wouldn't be able to come back anymore..."

Sugita drew a deep breath. Silence except Yukina's choked breathing prevailed.

"I didn't want to be gay!" Yukina blurted. "I didn't want to become a fucking homosexual!"

"..."

Without knowing, the prince in a drunken state had crumpled the beer can in his hand, the contents spilling from his hand down to the floor.

"I just wanted to have a change from all my relationships. And gays are known to be very devoted...so he's such an easy target...but fuck it!"

Sugita though shocked, calmly pieced it bit by bit. He didn't know what to say at all that he just started feeling for any beer that wasn't still open on the floor, picked one and opened one for himself.

"I was so happy when he disappeared," Yukina whispered in a very low voice. So low as if he was saying it towards himself. "I was so happy...coz finally 'yeah...I could just ignore this difference swelling within me'...but what do I do now?"

The man placed the beer can in his mouth, chugging the last drop of it. But he didn't get any. He ended up throwing the beer can against the floor with a loud thud. His frustration visible.

"All these months, I didn't know what to do with this growing, deepening hole inside me, I feel so lost! Damn it..."

"Yukina..."

"I DIDN'T WANT TO BE GAY! BUT EVERYTIME I SEE A MAN SIMILAR TO HIM, I END UP BECOMING A FUCKING MESS! JUST WHAT DID HE DO TO ME?!"

Sugita somehow felt the frustration and sadness his friend was experiencing like an electricity current. He wanted to say comforting words but he couldn't find any that he just started patting Yukina on the shoulder lightly.

"When I went to the apartment to get my stuff, the lights were on..." Yukina hissed. "I was like _'I knew it, he wouldn't be able to last long without me huh?' _But it was just the owner of the apartment clearing the place...You don't know how disappointed I was. Look at me...it's me..." Yukina exhaled. "It's me who seemed to be the one who wouldn't last without him now."

"..."

"My eyes are always looking for him..." Yukina mumbled angrily.

"..."

"And each night I curl on my futon," he glared at the floor. "...I search for his scent...yearn for his voice..."

"..."

"I couldn't stop it," the prince in distress suddenly eyed Sugita, so sharp the latter knew this wasn't just simple attachment anymore. "I am still falling in love with him even when he's not around!"

* * *

_**chapter end notes:**_

I thought i could put it all in two chapters...but then thinking, first part was Kisa's POV, then the second should be Yukina's so he can defend himself. And so...the third will be where we will see where they'd end up.

thanks for your time and please share your thoughts.

-shuusetsu

also thank you very much for the warm and kind thoughts for this. XD i've always just been in awe how Yuki was able to get past his sexuality so fast. LoL. thus...this.

ps. please check out the two covers for thisXD the first is Yukina, second one is Kisa, the third one...i don't know. (in my tumblr) -) mainichiyaoi or yaoinessfics-shuusetsu


	3. Chapter 3

_"It's hightime that I stop believing that straight guys...will make an exception for me..."_

**【****The Sinful Saints ****】**

**-3-**

* * *

His hands were tucked inside his side pockets, strolling into the huge park going to the rented space at a hotel. The Spring exhibit was just around the corner but his entries were still in the process of completion. His professor had begrudgingly warned him to submit them in five days time.

Right now, him and his class were very busy advertising, getting more sponsors and possible buyers and patrons. Each day, they converse about what motiff to go with, foods and the drinks. Really, just one simple things one at a time till the great, chosen day. If he wasn't asked for a favor by someone though, he'd never go to the venue and would rather just try finishing his work.

Any artists have to have good impressions for their debut, Yukina knew about it all too well. But his head was divided into half. Sometimes his personal matters even takes over the whole portion and got nothing left for other things.

Amidst the swirling sakura petals falling before his feet, as if making a carpet fit for a king, and amidst the lively atmosphere of everyone enjoying the yearly Hanami, Yukina Kou still have the same look in his eyes. The same eyes he used to look at Kisa Shouta who was getting farther away as the train that carried him rushed to the distance.

Longing. There was no other word for it.

It was plain stupid and it could hurt one's pride accepting the all too old saying that 'you only realize something's worth when it's gone'. Such a cliched thing from dramas and novels, yet there was nothing else to describe what he was feeling. Yukina had nothing to blame but his pride as a man.

"We did Hanami before..." Yukina mumbled, looking up to the sky which was so blue and bright. The complete opposite of his insides at the moment. "...back then...I wasn't really worried about me falling to him..."

Or perhaps, during that time, he was already falling, he just didn't want to entertain the idea.

Sighing, which had become a habit of him recently, Yukina inserted the earphones hanging loosely from the back of his neck to his chest in his ears. The busy laughter of people was so distant for him and he couldn't appreciate anything. Who could have told him that losing a man could make the world so glum that even the Spring he so awaited, didn't have even an ounce of lifting to his empty soul?

_"Yah, I heard that he's so getting heavier he decided to run everymorning and smashed into a pole!" _the DJ of a local station blabbered. _"I mean, who on Earth nowadays pulls that? Does he live in the Showa era or something!?"_

Yukina pressed on his phone and changed the station. There wasn't even a single station decent enough for him. Yet, just as he was about to give up, a deep voice of a man giving off such mysterious vibes cut through Yukina's senses.

_"Well, even if a gay guy doesn't want it, he couldn't help who to fall in love with, could he? Most often than not, they fall to a straight guy..." _

Yukina's steps slowed down, his eyes down at the hand gripping his phone tight.

_"First, this topic for today might be offensive to others, 'gays one-sided love'...but face reality guys, there are a lot of kinds of people and their concern is our concern regardless of the many things around."_

Many people have passed by Yukina in all directions. All eyes in adoration as the petals just served to highlight the man's beauty. However, Yukina was in a land of his own.

_"I have this guy I know, who admitted that he's just like a bank for his partner. But nevertheless, he obliged into giving all of his partner's wishes...why do you think that is?"_

Yukina opened his mouth, he knew the answer very well but pursed his lips right away.

_"Because homosexual men, are always at the disadvantage, no matter how you look at it," _the DJ played a soft, sad, intrumental at the background that just listening to it was irritating as much as it was eye-opening. _"Through material things they could get the one they like to stay. The sad thing is, we all know that material things aren't eternal. So what does a gay guy has to say when the straight guy gets tired and gets a woman and build a family? Nothing."_

Yukina stopped walking altogether, his brows meeting in an uneasy manner.

_"Unfortunately, there are a lot of heartless men who don't seem to be affected when the gay guy call it quits because of being tired. But more unfortunate are the straight ones who just realized then that they have come to love the other sincerely. Tsk. Tsk. Will you guys stop playing with other's hearts? You'd get your karma soon enough..." _the DJ's voice was trailing off the background, leaving a faint _'I just got mine...' _before settling to a song not so fit for the Spring Season. Shiroi Yuki by Kokia hit the air.

Yukina wanted to laugh. He tried to turn the radio off from his phone. However, the song told him, 'It's easy to leave a wound on somebody...'.

There wasn't anything funny at all but he eventually gave a low chuckle. That DJ had hit where it hurt the most. The worst was, he didn't know where Kisa Shouta could be found. It was a slap to him, finally realizing that he knew so little about the guy he used to milk for money.

* * *

Like how it has always been, when Kisa Shouta first set foot in his new job, the mixed faces of disbelief and amusement were on everyone's faces. As the time went by, this very treatment has become normal, that Kisa Shouta didn't mind anymore. Also, being youthful-looking despite age, could be considered an advantage and a gift in itself.

"Ah...it's giving me a headache..." he mumbled to himself as he looked into the documents that was faxed to him. Busy and uncaring to the other hollerings and busy sounds of phone ringing all around, Kisa felt a vibration coming from his left side of the table. His new phone he changed a few months ago clearly stating a call.

"Ah...Ricchan..." Kisa beamed right away as he placed the device against his ear. "Yoh?"

_"Kisa-san! I'm sorry for calling in the middle of work..." _said the apologetic voice on the other line.

Kisa rested his head against the headrest and drew a deep, relieved sigh. "What are you saying...it's alright. Anyway...you didn't tell me that Onodera Publishing has its own collection of weirdos! And the authors are equally weird!"

There was a timid laugh coming from the brunette. _"Ah...sorry...I never had any experience with the manga editing department there so I really don't know...wait, could it be that you're having a hard time?!"_

More or less three months ago, when the cold temperature was still rampant and the streets were wet from the early winter snow, Kisa Shouta was referred by Onodera Ritsu, the kind-hearted-a-bit-clumsy friend of his to his father's company. At first Kisa was doubtful. But having decided to come pick himself together after letting himself fall so low, he eventually tried to apply.

It wasn't like Kisa hated Marukawa, but he truly despised himself for causing such problems to the Emerald team, to the authors he was handling when he abruptly resigned. Although he has been forgiven, the shame still consumed him. So when Ritsu brought up Onodera Publishing, it sort of just fell into place.

The Onodera Publishing wasn't any inferior to Marukawa Publishing. It's building was standing proud on a hill road. And at night, the view from the rooftop could be breathtaking. In terms of workload, Onodera Publishing wasn't any less demanding. It seemed like, every publishing company was bound to be a depiction of mayhem day and night, whatever day of the year.

Kisa as well, seemed to be bound to be a shoujo manga editor forever. Not like he was complaining. It has been his forte and he would never get tired of doing it. To be honest, he missed this job. And now, three months of the getting-used to time with more than two months as an assistant editor first, Kisa finally got his first author to handle in a very long time. For that he was very grateful, not just to the company, but to Ritsu himself, who came to his aid when he didn't know what else to do anymore.

"No! No I'm not!" Kisa replied hastily. "As a matter of fact, I feel like a new person!"

A sound of footsteps from behind Kisa's chair grew closer, and before the raven could turn his head to look, a roll of newspaper had been smacked at the back of his head.

"Phone calls not allowed, chibi!" Said the man with messy red hair. His eyes were serious yet his lips were curled into a smile. It gave the confusion of whether he was being serious or really threatening. "Giving you one minute to finish that."

"What the hell? Stop calling me chibi-chibi will you?" Kisa shouted. Hotly turning to his phone Kisa whispered, "I'm sorry, that was our chief-editor. He's the Takano-san version here, unfortunately..."

Ritsu laughed, feeling relieved himself. Being given funny names at work, and Kisa being able to shout back in that manner, Ritsu could happily conclude that Kisa was doing fine in his father's company.

_"That's great Kisa-san, seems like you're all close!"_

"I don't know about that..." Kisa replied.

Kisa looked around the long table for a dump before him. His team, composed of five persons were all unique and if its looks being asked, they weren't lacking. However, they have all sorts of weird personalities hard to comprehend. Crazy that even here, the shoujo manga editing department were all men as well.

"Oh by the way Kisa-san, I still have something to tell you but, maybe later!" Ritsu said in a hurried manner. It seemed like the brunette also got a scolding from his boss and lover Takano Masamune. It made Kisa smile. "I'll call you again!"

_"Whew..."_ he tossed his phone on his table. _"Ricchan sure is getting livelier..."_

Looking at the calendar on his table, he stared at the number of days he had x-ed out. Time was flying so fast. Where he was, he had no complaints, yet he couldn't also say he was very happy. No matter what he did, there was a glaring hole. It was him who broke away from the pain, but that didn't mean it would vanish.

_"Plus this weird author is making me lose patience..." _

Less than a month ago, Kisa Shouta finally got the first author he would look after here in Onodera Publishing. It turned out that this author, age 28, male, apparently one of Onodera Publishing's best selling author, was a serious pain in the ass.

"Who on Earth wouldn't want to meet with his editor?! Does he expect us to communicate with mails and faxes forever?" Kisa gritted his teeth as he stared at the faxed mail that came from his faceless author days ago. _"Sounds like a sicko..."_

"Oi, Kisa..." a voice called out. "I would appreciate it if looking at that paper makes you finish anything at all. Stop dazing off we're in a pinch right now!" the editor-in-chief shouted from the end of the long table, pointing the tip of his pen towards their technically newbie.

"Ogawa-san...we're _always_ in a pinch," a tanned man, whose hobby was surfing nodded at Kisa with a smile.

"Well, the thing is...my author told me he doesn't want to see me," Kisa finally confessed, hint of annoyance obvious.

"Don't let it get to you. Has nobody told you he never shows his mug to _anybody_ in this company?" Ogawa the boss grumbled. It seemed like he himself found that eccentric mangaka's demand to be annoying. "That's why many resigned from being his editor. A mangaka and an editor have to have this real-time relationship. So when the mangaka comes with awful plots, you can strike him on the head right away!"

A man wearing round spectacles, matching the color of his shirt frowned. "Don't teach Kisa-san your ways of making your authors agree."

"Shut-up, striking them once in a while produces good results."

The tanned man turned at Kisa. "Actually, Kisa-san he meets up with his editors after some time. Weirdly, they resign after a few weeks..."

Kisa nodded and sighed. Just looking and listening at their bickerings sapped his energy. It seemed like he was pulled in the Emerald team at a different universe. So ignoring them, he again read the mail.

_"Hi. _

_This is Rieta Niji. Nice to meet you. I'm in your care. Regarding with the discussions for the manga, please feel free to communicate via fax. I hate phones, and I hate meetings. Thank you."_

_-Let's make millions...Rieta."_

Almost popping a vein, it was all Kisa could do to stop himself from tearing the paper into million pieces.

_"What the hell is this half-assed message? Does this person have some social issues?!" _Kisa glared at the last line. _"Make millions? Uwah...he's not straighforward but thick-skinned!"_

When everyone was busy eating for lunch, Kisa stuck himself on his chair, staring at the fax machine for any other mails that would come from his author. Seriously he was cursing this Rieta already. This faceless man was the perfect epitome of a man without concern for others.

Grumbling, Kisa ate his lunch. A sandwich he bought along the way to the company that morning. Just before he could take the second bite, the fax machine before him beeped. Just like how Kisa predicted, a mail from Rieta came.

_"Kisa-san. I want to set things simple and direct. I'm gay. Is that a problem?"_

The raven almost fell face forward from where he was sitting. He steadied himself and read it a couple of times before throwing it into the shredder.

"What the hell? So_ that _is his problem?"

Angrily scribbling 'no', Kisa slowly paused from what he was doing. It might have sounded ridiculous at first. But if you look into it, perhaps, this man had done the same routine with all the previous editors. And perhaps everyone had said it was okay, when it was not. That was why it never worked out.

Having a cloud before his eyes, Kisa chewed on his lip. Compared to the him who didn't want to let anyone know about it at work, this weirdo was straight about being gay. After a few seconds, the raven finally scribbled something.

_"It's not a problem."_ Kisa wrote whole heartedly. How could it be a problem, when Kisa himself knew this orientation since his mind developed?

After a few seconds, a reply came.

_"Send me your contact info. We'll meet for data gathering.-Rieta"_

Outraged suddenly by the way this guy sounded, Kisa still did what he was told. He couldn't be so full of complaints with his first author in his new company. He didn't want to fail Ritsu and most of all, he didn't want to fail himself again.

* * *

"No, Yukina-san, the left side is higher...move it a bit lower..."

"Okay...like this?"

"Ah no! Now the other side is higher!"

"Okay...this?"

"No the angle doesn't seem right!"

Yukina Kou who had bren carrying a huge painting, with a weight enough to numb his arms turned his head sideways. "Do you, by any chance, have a grudge on me?"

The woman, who was directing Kisa with the hanging of paintings laughed loudly. She was petite but her voice sounded like it could reach a mile.

"What are you saying Yukina-san? The angle really just doesn't seem right..."

Yukina sighed. These were the times when being tall could be a hindrance. The other guys were busy carrying stuff from the vans, leaving Yukina Kou the only hot guy in the eyes of the women to boss around.

While Yukina was busy trying to get the perfect angle, the other ladies were busy arranging flowers from recycled materials to the small high tables they prepared. Their lively chatterings about what good to wear for the day, what kind of make-up and if by anychance bringing a lover would be fine combined swirled into the high-ceilinged hall.

It continued for a long time that it seemed like it wouldn't end. But then, everyone fell silent. Everyone except Yukina and his lecture mate Hanazaki who was busy bossing the guy.

The new comer who stood from the open doors of the hall wasn't wearing anything flashy. Yet he managed to take all the eyes of everyone. Rather than being the cool type, it was as if he was saying 'stay away'. He had honey-colored hair, messy but still perfect on his face. Tall, not bulky but well-built. And eyes the color of the sky when the sun was just about to set.

"Eh...a sponsor?"

"A hobbyist?"

Many speculations floated until this very guy stopped right behind where Yukina Kou was.

"Kou."

The newcomer called. His voice sounded crisp yet carried a note of a mellow-demanding tone.

Yukina right away looked behind him and smiled. "Nii-san."

In no time, Yukina excused himself from his current task and let the new comer out of the hall. The ladies, who were taken aback gathered together. They all had one thought in their heads as they watched the two men leave them.

"Damn did you see that?"

"I know right? When they stood beside each other...I saw an explosion. That's a sin for those two to stand together!"

"Do you know who that guy is? He seems older but..."

"Yukina called him 'Nii-san' right?"

* * *

As the two kept on walking to the nearest lounge, Yukina glanced at his 'Nii-san'. This very man wasn't really what he called him. But a cousin whom he treated nothing less of a brother.

Tucking his hands inside his pocket, Yukina jabbed the man at the side lightly.

"Nii-san...you finally got out of your cocoon. So...why did you want to meet me?"

"A new project what else?" he irritably replied. "Got myself a new editor and he's on his way here."

"Eh? Again? Didn't you just..."

Rieta Niji, Yukina Kou's cousin in the mother side, a brother for Yukina, successful in his chosen path, wins a hands down when it comes to physical appearances, was the only man disowned by the main family. Yukina Kou who belonged to the branch family couldn't understand why. It happened when he was still young. It was only when he chose the path of using gay men to satisfy his material wants that he understood. His 'brother' was gay himself.

"My previous editor was blaming me 'he had become weird'. Like I care?" the man hissed. "The next one after him, a girl, still fell in love with me knowing I'm gay. I'm seriously getting tired of this routine."

Yukina forced a laugh. When he still didn't understand how 'their' world worked, he thought that all gays wanted to be done by men. When he understood his brother, he realized that there were many kinds of them. Those who wanted to dominate. Those who submit. Those who couldn't decide. And those who just went with the flow. If he'd put his cousin into a category, there was no doubt about him being domineering.

"Our body is blessed with these genes...so suck it up, Nii-san."

They sat on a table for four. Rieta threw an irritated look around, sweeping the entire lounge for someone. When he still didn't find what he was searching for, he pulled the sketch pad he had hidden in his shoulder bag and scribbled something with a marker.

Yukina could only watch his eccentric cousin with furrowed brows. His 'brother' wrote; Onodera Publishing. He stuck it to the small silver stand for orders free for everyone in the lounge to see.

"Oi, Nii-san...this is embarassing! This isn't an airport!"

"What could I do? I haven't seen him yet. I don't want to write my name, and he would probably not approach us if I write his name."

Yukina sighed. If he were the editor, and his name was written on that, he would surely not approach this guy who seemed to have his own world.

* * *

His face was glistening from sweat. He just ran the long distance from the train station to the business hotel where this "Rieta" ordered him to go. When Kisa Shouta was being in a hurry, it was always when he would experience technical issues with the train, making him nearly thirty-minutes late.

"Ah...I think all I did the entire day is run..." Kisa huffed, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. _"Saying he wants a male lead to be a painter and wants to see the real process...I'm just glad he didn't chose those who live in the mountains...that jerk..."_

Running after his breath, trying to calm himself, he entered the automatic sliding doors of the lounge. Instantly, the aroma of coffee and sweets wafted all around him. It made him a bit more positive. However, it shattered right away.

"What the hell?"

He hasn't stepped further into the lounge, yet he could already see the huge 'Onodera Publishing' on a white paper, attatched below was R.N.

He wanted to step back in all honesty and run back to his company. Embarassed to approach the people on that table, he made small steps. The man on that table was glaring at him. If Kisa was the old him, he would completely run towards that guy and ask for a one-night stand right away. That was how good-looking the man was. However, he couldn't really be sure if he actually had grown a phobia for dazzling, prince-like looking men that he glared back just as hard.

"You're Rieta-sensei?" Kisa asked stiffly.

"So you're Kisa-san?" the man asked back. "Have a seat then...but if you like standing...you can."

"I'm sitting."

For a few minutes, the two just stared at each other. As if sizing one another, the silence between them was heavy. It was Rieta Niji who broke it.

"So Kisa-san, I already informed you about my concept. A painter who would suddenly lose his ability to do so. I want it to be realistic so I would be observing what art students actually do and stuff like that..."

Kisa just listened, still breathing deeply from all the running. He wasn't exactly annoyed that the guy went right into business. He liked it that way too.

"Fine with me. But I want you to know that your 'observing' time isn't unlimited."

"I know that of course," Rieta glanced up. "I really think it's better my editor meets my subject." He glanced up, nodding at someone. "What the hell did you do in the restroom?"

A chuckle came near before a shadow hovered beside Kisa. Having hard feelings about this 'subject', if the mangaka was weird, perhaps his subject was going to be the same weirdo was what Kisa thought.

"Kisa-san, this is my subject and cousin."

"Hi!" the lively voice started. "Nice to mee-"

When their eyes met, the atmosphere changed. Stifling and suffocating. Awkward and weird. Rieta Niji played with his pen and raised a brow.

"Seems like you know each other already. Saves me the introduction."

Kisa Shouta looked away, all color on his flushed face earlier was gone. "No. I don't know him."

Yukina Kou's cousin, Rieta Niji, who have eyes like a hawk's knew otherwise.

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

hello! remember Yukina said he has one brother? i just thought that it would be nice if the brother comes into picture. but i don't want to use the normal brother-by-blood thing but more of just a 'figure'.

thanks for all of the time reading and your kind words and support! Spring...brings new hope! Yey!

-shuusetsu

ps. believe me, i initially planned this to be like twochapters only. but then i realized that having written a theme like this, i don't want to end it abruptly. XD

also i am in the middle of making the cover for this so you would see 'Rieta\ XD. thanks again! XD

NP: shiroi yuki by KOKIA is one of the songs in my favorites for a very loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. XD


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